Well, what a week it has been! I wrote my first blog on Monday and I am really surprised how many people have commented about it. I've had people come up to me and tell me how surprised they were, but the support from everyone has been overwhelming. I have to say the only reason i started writing these blogs was to make my intentions public so I would be more accountable.
I have to say that I am seeing the world much differently now. I know it may sound cliche', but it's true. I find myself with more patience and things that bothered me before just don't bother me anymore. Is it possible for God to change me that quickly?
I have to tell you a true story that happened to me today. As you may remember the movie Courageous had a huge impact on me. In that movie, the main character's daughter asks her dad to dance with her at the park. But he declines and says "people are watching". He later regrets that decision. Today I took Carsyn to the high school to watch Ethan practice baseball. We were sitting on the front row of the stands right behind home plate watching the boys practice and they had some music playing over the speaker system. Carsyn, out of the blue, says "Daddy, dance with me"...she said "this is our dance floor", pointing to the walk way in front of the front row. Now there would have been a time, I would have said the same thing...."there are people watching". But today, I didn't hesitate for one second....I stood up and danced with her. We danced for 2 songs, and I couldn't care less who saw my poor dance moves....at that moment, all that mattered was the look in Carsyn's eyes. She could not have been happier. I twirled her around and around and she said "after the dance is over, we have to hug and kiss".....perhaps, I would have missed out on that moment if things were not different. I know that we made a memory that will last a lifetime, and that is all that matters.
I have felt God moving me this week to try and mend some broken relationships. So I reached out to one person that I used to be friends with, but we had gone our separate ways. Not sure what will happen with that, but I feel like it was the right thing to do. So we will see what happens.
Tomorrow is Sunday and for the first time in I a long time, I am excited to be going to church. I can't wait to get there as a matter of fact.
Thanks for everyone that has supported me this week. It means the world to me, and it just drives home the fact that I am doing the right thing.
In Christ.....Kev
1/28/12
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
My life is changing
I can already tell a difference in just the way I see things. For so long, I have been hiding behind my failure as a christian. Now that I have made my short comings public, I feel like a new man. For the first time that I can remember, it is much easier to talk about God. Shawna and I are talking more about our christianity and where we want to go as a couple, and it suddenly just seems so easy.
Braden and I had a discussion last night and I know that he struggles with the same things I have been struggling with. Although it wasnt a long conversation, we were able to discuss things freely and now I know where I need to try to lead him. College is a difficult time and I'm sure temptations abound. I just pray that Braden is making the right decisions and I pray that God will move in him the way has moved in me. I am so proud of Braden for his many accomplishments, and his perseverance through a bad semester a year ago...I pray that God is with him every day.
Ethan and i were able to discuss some of God's expectations tonight as well....and as baseball starts this week I have challenged him to pray before each practice and game that God will grant him focus and patience and that God will grant him the ability to be a good teammate and always be uplifting to everyone. I am proud of Ethan for many things as well...and i see so much potential in him to be Godly person...I pray that God moves in him as well.
I have had on outgoing show of support from so many people and I want all of you to know how much it means to me. I've been surprised by some of the comments that a lot of people struggle with the same things. I know there are probably some doubters out there that may read my stories and think "yeah right"...to those people all i can say is i dont blame you. But i am bound and determined to live the rest of my life for God...so i guess you will just have to wait and see.
I don't know why, but God has changed my life. And it didnt take a long time to change it either. All i had to do was open up and there he was...right where he has always been.
I've come to the conclusion that being a good christian is a JOURNEY and not a DESTINATION. I don't think we can ever say...."I'm the best Christian I can possibly be"....I think the journey is a long one and hopefully I will grow closer to God every day.
Braden and I had a discussion last night and I know that he struggles with the same things I have been struggling with. Although it wasnt a long conversation, we were able to discuss things freely and now I know where I need to try to lead him. College is a difficult time and I'm sure temptations abound. I just pray that Braden is making the right decisions and I pray that God will move in him the way has moved in me. I am so proud of Braden for his many accomplishments, and his perseverance through a bad semester a year ago...I pray that God is with him every day.
Ethan and i were able to discuss some of God's expectations tonight as well....and as baseball starts this week I have challenged him to pray before each practice and game that God will grant him focus and patience and that God will grant him the ability to be a good teammate and always be uplifting to everyone. I am proud of Ethan for many things as well...and i see so much potential in him to be Godly person...I pray that God moves in him as well.
I have had on outgoing show of support from so many people and I want all of you to know how much it means to me. I've been surprised by some of the comments that a lot of people struggle with the same things. I know there are probably some doubters out there that may read my stories and think "yeah right"...to those people all i can say is i dont blame you. But i am bound and determined to live the rest of my life for God...so i guess you will just have to wait and see.
I don't know why, but God has changed my life. And it didnt take a long time to change it either. All i had to do was open up and there he was...right where he has always been.
I've come to the conclusion that being a good christian is a JOURNEY and not a DESTINATION. I don't think we can ever say...."I'm the best Christian I can possibly be"....I think the journey is a long one and hopefully I will grow closer to God every day.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
what does it mean to be the spiritual leader?
So this issue of being the spiritual leader in our home has been haunting me the last few days. It seems it all I can think about. I've blogged about my wishes and i have also blogged about my struggles with being a good christian. So, my next thougths are, what does it mean to be the spiritual leader of the family??
Hmm, good question. Does it mean that I have to run around quoting scripture 24-7? Does it mean I have to preach religion all the time?? No, of course not. I think what it means is that I have to be excited about God and not be afraid to show that excitement. I think it means praying with my family every chance I get...I think it means being careful of my words and I think it means as those occasions pop up in life that I can set a good example by showing or saying what a good christian person would do or say,I take advantage of that situation.
I don't want to be just a Sunday christian....or for lack of a better term "a facebook christian". I want to begin to carry myself in a manner that when someone meets me, they know, that I am a christian. I want to be able to invite people to church and be able to talk about God as freely as i discuss the latest blown 4th quarter lead given up by the Cowboys defense. We all know people that talk a good game on Sunday at church, but then act much differently the rest of the week. I don't want to be that person.
In the movie Facing the Giants, the main character was kicked down time and time again...but every time he was brought to the breaking point, he turned it all over to God. He praised God when others might be cursing God. That is the christian I want to be.
I feel like to be a true christian, you don't have to go around saying "hey look at me.....I'm a christian"...I think a true christian lives his life and does things that make people just know it. It's the way you talk to people and the positive vibes that come out of you that will make a difference.
I have had a lot of support from my family and my friends and co-workers for doing this. For those of you that know me, you know I am basically a private person...so for me to go public with some of the details has been a little stretch for me. For the first time in a long time, I feel like my eyes are open and my heart is ready for what God has in store for me. I can't wait to see where this is going to lead.
In Christ
Kev
1/24/12
Hmm, good question. Does it mean that I have to run around quoting scripture 24-7? Does it mean I have to preach religion all the time?? No, of course not. I think what it means is that I have to be excited about God and not be afraid to show that excitement. I think it means praying with my family every chance I get...I think it means being careful of my words and I think it means as those occasions pop up in life that I can set a good example by showing or saying what a good christian person would do or say,I take advantage of that situation.
I don't want to be just a Sunday christian....or for lack of a better term "a facebook christian". I want to begin to carry myself in a manner that when someone meets me, they know, that I am a christian. I want to be able to invite people to church and be able to talk about God as freely as i discuss the latest blown 4th quarter lead given up by the Cowboys defense. We all know people that talk a good game on Sunday at church, but then act much differently the rest of the week. I don't want to be that person.
In the movie Facing the Giants, the main character was kicked down time and time again...but every time he was brought to the breaking point, he turned it all over to God. He praised God when others might be cursing God. That is the christian I want to be.
I feel like to be a true christian, you don't have to go around saying "hey look at me.....I'm a christian"...I think a true christian lives his life and does things that make people just know it. It's the way you talk to people and the positive vibes that come out of you that will make a difference.
I have had a lot of support from my family and my friends and co-workers for doing this. For those of you that know me, you know I am basically a private person...so for me to go public with some of the details has been a little stretch for me. For the first time in a long time, I feel like my eyes are open and my heart is ready for what God has in store for me. I can't wait to see where this is going to lead.
In Christ
Kev
1/24/12
Monday, January 23, 2012
My struggles
Well, I have a feeling this may be a little painful, but here goes. First of all I have been a "christian" pretty much my whole life. I asked forgiveness for my sins at an early age, maybe too young to fully understand what I was asking for. Ok, so I've been a "christian" all my life.....but I've never really given myself to God. I have fought against that in many ways for various reasons through my life. Oh, God has tried to pull me in, but I have always been able to push just hard enough to keep him at a distance.
I have asked myself many times (more lately) why would God even love me?? Why is God tugging at me??I mean, I am a sinner. If the Ten Commandments were a test and each commandment honored was worth 10 points, I wouldn't have enough points to even pass a test! That's right, F A I L U R E!! Grade of F.
I do not want to confuse being a Christian to going to Church....but more times than not I will look for every reason in the world NOT to go to church. Too Windy, Too Cold, Too much going on, Don't feel good, It's just too much trouble. TOO MUCH TROUBLE...... So....God sends his ONLY son JESUS CHRIST to die for my sins, and I can't manage to drag myself out of bed to go honor God for 2 hours on Sunday because it is TOO MUCH TROUBLE. JESUS has nails driven through his wrists and feet, a crown of thorns shoved into his head, is mocked, beaten, hung on a cross until he dies..and I can't make the effort to go to church because it is "TOO MUCH TROUBLE". Well guess what....Jeremiah 31:34 states "And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins".
I have spent my adult life in and out of churches....often times going and trying to get involved, and then "falling off the wagon" and not going for long periods of time. Shawna and I now attend Trinity Fellowship, which is a wonderful church with a sweet spirit. God does move in that church every time I am there. Of course I usually spend the time fighting God....sometimes I feel led to raise my hands during worship service, only to be unable to let go of the back of the chair in front of me. When the invitation is made to come forward to pray with a prayer partner, I often feel led to go...but my legs wont listen to my heart and I stay put. Why is that??? Is it fear? But what I am afraid of...someone seeing me go down there or is it that I am afraid of what will happen to me spiritually when I get down there?? More to come later on that subject.
My blog from yesterday said I wanted to me the spiritual leader in my family. After Shawna read my blog, she told me she has been praying for that for the last few weeks. (No wonder God has been tugging at me). For me to that spiritual leader, I need to know what it is that is holding me back from just letting go and letting God take control of my life. Once I can figure out me, I think it will help me move on the next step.
So, that is my dilemma...how on earth could God love me, forgive me and care about me when I continue to push him away? Why is God leading me down this new path in my life? So many questions....and so many answers to come......
In Christ.
Kev
I have asked myself many times (more lately) why would God even love me?? Why is God tugging at me??I mean, I am a sinner. If the Ten Commandments were a test and each commandment honored was worth 10 points, I wouldn't have enough points to even pass a test! That's right, F A I L U R E!! Grade of F.
I do not want to confuse being a Christian to going to Church....but more times than not I will look for every reason in the world NOT to go to church. Too Windy, Too Cold, Too much going on, Don't feel good, It's just too much trouble. TOO MUCH TROUBLE...... So....God sends his ONLY son JESUS CHRIST to die for my sins, and I can't manage to drag myself out of bed to go honor God for 2 hours on Sunday because it is TOO MUCH TROUBLE. JESUS has nails driven through his wrists and feet, a crown of thorns shoved into his head, is mocked, beaten, hung on a cross until he dies..and I can't make the effort to go to church because it is "TOO MUCH TROUBLE". Well guess what....Jeremiah 31:34 states "And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins".
I have spent my adult life in and out of churches....often times going and trying to get involved, and then "falling off the wagon" and not going for long periods of time. Shawna and I now attend Trinity Fellowship, which is a wonderful church with a sweet spirit. God does move in that church every time I am there. Of course I usually spend the time fighting God....sometimes I feel led to raise my hands during worship service, only to be unable to let go of the back of the chair in front of me. When the invitation is made to come forward to pray with a prayer partner, I often feel led to go...but my legs wont listen to my heart and I stay put. Why is that??? Is it fear? But what I am afraid of...someone seeing me go down there or is it that I am afraid of what will happen to me spiritually when I get down there?? More to come later on that subject.
My blog from yesterday said I wanted to me the spiritual leader in my family. After Shawna read my blog, she told me she has been praying for that for the last few weeks. (No wonder God has been tugging at me). For me to that spiritual leader, I need to know what it is that is holding me back from just letting go and letting God take control of my life. Once I can figure out me, I think it will help me move on the next step.
So, that is my dilemma...how on earth could God love me, forgive me and care about me when I continue to push him away? Why is God leading me down this new path in my life? So many questions....and so many answers to come......
In Christ.
Kev
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Being a better dad
I'm not sure why I feel compelled to start a blog at the tender age of 42....but nevertheless, here I am. I had a simple, yet life changing event today. I saw the movie Courageous. For those of you that have not seen it, I urge you to see see it. However, be ready to take a long, hard look at yourself. And if you don't cry you need to have your pulse checked. I won't spoil the movie if you haven't seen it, but it really moved me more than any other movie I have ever seen.
For the last few weeks, I felt God has been trying to move in me....I don't know exactly where he wants me to go, because as usual I find myself fighting against it for some reason. I have often asked God to move in me...change me, but then I often don't listen.
I am blessed with 4 wonderful children ages 19, 15, 4 and 18 months..Yes God does have a sense of humor since I became a father again at the age of 41. But, at times I feel like there is not enough of me to go around. The ages are so diverse, that I literally have to sometimes wear 4 hats at once.
At one point in the movie, one of the characters makes a comment that "he is a good enough father". That made me think that I sometimes think the same thing...but I don't want to be just good enough....I want to be exceptional. I want all of my children to be impacted by me.
I want to start not only praying FOR my family, but WITH my family....I want to be the one to stand up and lead our family in the right direction. I have a long way to go and don't really even know where to start...but i think God has been tugging at me for awhile in this direction. I know that I need to be the spiritual leader of our house...and it is a role that scares me greatly.
I know my thoughts are scattered, but to summarize.....i had an epiphany today and I want to make changes to this part of my world. One day at a time, right?
There will be more to come...i want to be accountable to my family and to God. So, here I go....I want God to make a change in me....to become the spiritual head of our house...to be a more influential person in my kids life. I have a wonderful wife...who has stood beside me though some pretty stupid decisions in my life.I couldnt do this without her. I love her dearly.
In Christ
Kev
For the last few weeks, I felt God has been trying to move in me....I don't know exactly where he wants me to go, because as usual I find myself fighting against it for some reason. I have often asked God to move in me...change me, but then I often don't listen.
I am blessed with 4 wonderful children ages 19, 15, 4 and 18 months..Yes God does have a sense of humor since I became a father again at the age of 41. But, at times I feel like there is not enough of me to go around. The ages are so diverse, that I literally have to sometimes wear 4 hats at once.
At one point in the movie, one of the characters makes a comment that "he is a good enough father". That made me think that I sometimes think the same thing...but I don't want to be just good enough....I want to be exceptional. I want all of my children to be impacted by me.
I want to start not only praying FOR my family, but WITH my family....I want to be the one to stand up and lead our family in the right direction. I have a long way to go and don't really even know where to start...but i think God has been tugging at me for awhile in this direction. I know that I need to be the spiritual leader of our house...and it is a role that scares me greatly.
I know my thoughts are scattered, but to summarize.....i had an epiphany today and I want to make changes to this part of my world. One day at a time, right?
There will be more to come...i want to be accountable to my family and to God. So, here I go....I want God to make a change in me....to become the spiritual head of our house...to be a more influential person in my kids life. I have a wonderful wife...who has stood beside me though some pretty stupid decisions in my life.I couldnt do this without her. I love her dearly.
In Christ
Kev
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