It's been awhile since I've written...not because I didn't have anything to say (most of you know me better than that), but we have just been busy. I know excuses, excuses.
This past Sunday....at the tender age of 43...I got water baptized for the first time in my life. When I was standing back stage watching the other people get baptized, I got chills watching each person get baptized....when it was my turn....well let's just say it was very emotional for me. What made this even better is my buddy Shane Stokes was getting baptized also for the first time in his life, and Shane is a little older than me. SO we shared some laughs about being the only 2 adult men getting baptized with the small kids and youth.
Since my last blog, I have continued to go to our Mens prayer groups each Wendensday (except the week i was sick and the next week when we were in San Antonio). Our group was up to around 24 today...biggest group we have had so far. God is so Good. He put each of these men into my life for a reason. They have been great Christian examples for me.
In the past I have struggled with accepting God's forgiveness.....I made decisions several years ago, that hurt my family...my kids, my parents and most importantly my wife...decisions that almost cost me my marriage to Shawna. For some reason she held on...most women would have ran away as fast as they could possibly go. Was it a mid-life crisis?? was I pushed into those decisions?? No, I was just stupid and let the evil of the world get inside my head and tell me that "it's ok...everyone does it"...."don't worry about it".....etc...
We went to wonderful Christian counselor who helped us tremendously...W.K....I will always be grateful. But this issue of forgiveness was a terrible burden for me to bear. A burden that quite literally held me back from being a Christian. After re-dedicating my life to the Lord several months ago, I finally realized that no sin was too big for our God to bear. Jesus died for my sons....ALL OF THEM. It took me awhile to realize this but I think i finally understand and even though I am totally un-worthy of that kind of sacrifice, I accept it.
I've thougth about that terrible night when Shawna found out and I had to confess to her what happened, and if she would have reacted the way most people would have reacted, how much different my life would be right now. Austin would have never surprised us. I more than likely would not have found my way back into Church...I wouldn't be able to see my beautiful daughter every day. Those thougths scare me to death. So Jesus obviosuly comforted her and allowed her the strength to get through that time and even the strength to pray for me. I will never be able to make Shawna know how thankful I am for that.
When you mess up and things become public, it is really hard to keep your head up. When you see the look in the eyes of your kids when you mess up to that extent, it is hard take. My boys forgave me, even though they don't understand why I did what I did. It was hard for me to accept that i had to ask my boys to do as I say not as I do. Tough pill to swallow.
All that is water under the bridge as they say......things are great in my life and i finally understand and accept the forgiveness that has been offered to me. I continue my walk and even though there will be occasional bumps in the road, I have noticed that I am much more apt to pray when things get rough than complain. Not sure why i went back and discussed several years ago...just felt like it was important enough I guess.
Wow...this is not how I intended this Blog to go...I'm a private person and details of my short comings are tough for me to share. But in the spirit of opening up my life, i will type the words that God puts in my heart.
In Christ
Kevin
03/27/12
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
Being Tested
Feb 8th is the day I emailed our pastor, Lonny Robbins, to tell him that I would be willing to share my experiences with our church. I felt a public confession would be good for me and it might help others who had been struggling with the same doubts. He emailed me back on Feb 10th and said he wanted me to speak on Sunday Feb 12th.....my birthday. What better way to end start a new year than to share this kind of joy with others. I agreed to do it.
Let me tell you something, Satan didn't like it one bit. That old master deciever started working on me immediately. That very night, on the way from Childress, a truck in front of me had a blow out and I ended up running over a huge piece of tire tread that flipped up and cracked our bumper and knocked out a fog light on our nearly new Sienna. Price Tag $1,050. How much is our deductible?? $1,000. That night after we got home, Ethan decided he wanted some hot chocolate, so he put a pan of water on to boil, but forgot about....awhile later, he remembered, but i guess the burner had been on so long it cracked our glass stove top....Price Tag for that $250. The next day, the day before I was supposed to talk at church, Carsyn and Austin both started running fever......
Saturday nigth i asked Shawna what she wanted to do? We couldnt take the kids to church....I didnt want to give my testimony without Shawna being there.....should i just call Pastor Lonny and re-schedule?? We decided NO....I was going to speak and she was going to be there. Luckily my mom and dad came over and watched the kids for us that Sunday Morning.
That sunday morning before i spoke, a new friend of mine Kurt West (and a great christian) and I were talking...I kinda laughed and told him how much i was being tested and he reminded me that Satan would work relentlessly on me to try and make me think i made the wrong decision.....and if he couldnt get to me he would go after my family.....it made me realize how much prayer means to my family.
I have to pray that my family is also able to fight off the deciever at all costs...that is where it my job as the family spiritual leader comes in to pray daily over my wife and my children and over the thresholds of our doors...that evil does not enter our house.
I have kinda settled in to this new aspect of my life and even though i dont write as often as i once did, i am still praying daily and I am still attending our wednesday prayer meetings at 6:00 am....I long for new insights and new ideas.......I want God to continue to move in me so that i can impact my family in a spiritual way...its not easy...we all get busy...we all get hit from different directions....we just have to remember to sit aside some time each day...several times a day to drop to our knees to thank God for all the goodness and pray for his help and guidance to keep evil away from our homes.
In Christ,
Kev
2/20/12
Let me tell you something, Satan didn't like it one bit. That old master deciever started working on me immediately. That very night, on the way from Childress, a truck in front of me had a blow out and I ended up running over a huge piece of tire tread that flipped up and cracked our bumper and knocked out a fog light on our nearly new Sienna. Price Tag $1,050. How much is our deductible?? $1,000. That night after we got home, Ethan decided he wanted some hot chocolate, so he put a pan of water on to boil, but forgot about....awhile later, he remembered, but i guess the burner had been on so long it cracked our glass stove top....Price Tag for that $250. The next day, the day before I was supposed to talk at church, Carsyn and Austin both started running fever......
Saturday nigth i asked Shawna what she wanted to do? We couldnt take the kids to church....I didnt want to give my testimony without Shawna being there.....should i just call Pastor Lonny and re-schedule?? We decided NO....I was going to speak and she was going to be there. Luckily my mom and dad came over and watched the kids for us that Sunday Morning.
That sunday morning before i spoke, a new friend of mine Kurt West (and a great christian) and I were talking...I kinda laughed and told him how much i was being tested and he reminded me that Satan would work relentlessly on me to try and make me think i made the wrong decision.....and if he couldnt get to me he would go after my family.....it made me realize how much prayer means to my family.
I have to pray that my family is also able to fight off the deciever at all costs...that is where it my job as the family spiritual leader comes in to pray daily over my wife and my children and over the thresholds of our doors...that evil does not enter our house.
I have kinda settled in to this new aspect of my life and even though i dont write as often as i once did, i am still praying daily and I am still attending our wednesday prayer meetings at 6:00 am....I long for new insights and new ideas.......I want God to continue to move in me so that i can impact my family in a spiritual way...its not easy...we all get busy...we all get hit from different directions....we just have to remember to sit aside some time each day...several times a day to drop to our knees to thank God for all the goodness and pray for his help and guidance to keep evil away from our homes.
In Christ,
Kev
2/20/12
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
I can't believe the difference
I had the opportunity this past Sunday to share with our church what God has been doing in my life. I cannot believe how easy it was to jump up and get on stage and tell the church what has been going on. It was perhaps the most liberating moment of my life. I told our church that several years ago, I had pushed God so far out of my life, that I allowed satan to put negative thoughts into my head. Those negative thoughts led to immoral thoughts and those immoral thougths led to immoral actions. I told how I had the hurt the very people that meant the most to me...my family.
I didnt feel condemned by anyone in the church. I am almost postive there are still some people that doubt the changes God has done in me. There will always be people that doubt my ability to be a good christian man and the spiritual leader of our home. I have been attending our wednesday morning prayer group at 6:00 am. Wednesdays are quickly becoming my favorite day of the week.
Our group usually meet first and talk about prayer requests or things that are going in the church, then we disburse throughout the sanctuary and pray on our own. This morning, as soon as I knelt, I felt an overpowering presence with me...I have NEVER felt that before in my life. There is no doubt that God is moving in me.
I have heard of people having this experience and they say you just see things differently. I can honestly say that my view of things has changed. I have prayed more the last 6 weeks than i have ever prayed before. Things dont bother me as much. I am slower to show my temper. I am praying for people on a daily basis. Shawna is amazed at the difference and i amazed at how much closer i feel to her.
I have realized how many times in my life i have missed the opportunity to help someone, pray for someone or just be there for someone. I am trying to seize those opportunities now. I have even started praying over loan decisions....not praying that God will tell me whether to approve or deny a loan request....but praying that i will make the best decision possible for the bank and the customer. That is new to me.
Shawna was amazed that i was able to get up in front of the church and so easily express what God has done to me. I have to say that it was very exhilerating and I will share my testimony any time Pastor Lonny wants me to, without hesitation or fear.
I wish everyone could experience the feeling that i have...I do understand the term "born again".....
If you have read this and are in need of prayer for anything, please let me know....I will gladly pray for you.
In Christ,
Kev
I didnt feel condemned by anyone in the church. I am almost postive there are still some people that doubt the changes God has done in me. There will always be people that doubt my ability to be a good christian man and the spiritual leader of our home. I have been attending our wednesday morning prayer group at 6:00 am. Wednesdays are quickly becoming my favorite day of the week.
Our group usually meet first and talk about prayer requests or things that are going in the church, then we disburse throughout the sanctuary and pray on our own. This morning, as soon as I knelt, I felt an overpowering presence with me...I have NEVER felt that before in my life. There is no doubt that God is moving in me.
I have heard of people having this experience and they say you just see things differently. I can honestly say that my view of things has changed. I have prayed more the last 6 weeks than i have ever prayed before. Things dont bother me as much. I am slower to show my temper. I am praying for people on a daily basis. Shawna is amazed at the difference and i amazed at how much closer i feel to her.
I have realized how many times in my life i have missed the opportunity to help someone, pray for someone or just be there for someone. I am trying to seize those opportunities now. I have even started praying over loan decisions....not praying that God will tell me whether to approve or deny a loan request....but praying that i will make the best decision possible for the bank and the customer. That is new to me.
Shawna was amazed that i was able to get up in front of the church and so easily express what God has done to me. I have to say that it was very exhilerating and I will share my testimony any time Pastor Lonny wants me to, without hesitation or fear.
I wish everyone could experience the feeling that i have...I do understand the term "born again".....
If you have read this and are in need of prayer for anything, please let me know....I will gladly pray for you.
In Christ,
Kev
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Leap of Faith
Tomorrow I am taking, what to me is, the ultimate leap of faith. God continues to move in me and I mentioned to our Pastor that I would be willing to give a testemonial at church if he felt it was the right thing to do. He said he thought it was a great idea and asked me to do it tomorrow. Of course, my head said no, but my heart said yes....I have been thinking about what I am going to say tomorrow and how it will be received. I refuse to write a speech and read it....I have decided I will make a brief outline of the points I want to make and just wing it from there. I pray that God puts the rest of the words there and it comes like HE wants to come out.
I'm equally nervous and excited. This Christian journey is a long one and as I have said before, it is a journey and not a destination.
I'm sure my heart will be pounding out of my chest tomorrow morning when he calls me up to the front...I will more than likely forget some of the things I want to say....but I know God will be with me with up there. He brought me to it...he will most certainly see me through it.
In Christ,
Kev
I'm equally nervous and excited. This Christian journey is a long one and as I have said before, it is a journey and not a destination.
I'm sure my heart will be pounding out of my chest tomorrow morning when he calls me up to the front...I will more than likely forget some of the things I want to say....but I know God will be with me with up there. He brought me to it...he will most certainly see me through it.
In Christ,
Kev
Sunday, February 5, 2012
The journey continues
Today, our pastor read my 2nd blog to our congragation at chruch. It was a stange thing to hear my words being said from the pulpit. I was proud of where God has brought me from the day I wrote those words. God has continued to work in my heart. I know there is no turning back now, and even if I COULD turn back, I wouldn't turn back. This just feels too good.
Shane Stokes has been my prayer partner this week and he has been such a blessing to me. His words of encouragment have been awesome. Shane is good man and a good Christian. I am blessed to be able to call him a friend.
This issue of fogiveness has been at the fore front of thoughts....I needed to know God has truly forgiven me for my past sins, and I can honestly say He has. The Bible is very clear on this subject.
I have felt compelled and even excited about sharing my story with our church through some kind of testimony...I will see if God allows me the opportunity to do so. I know if given the chance I would do it. I dont think I am the only person that has struggled with these thoughts. So if my testimony can help even one person it would be the most amazing thing I've ever done.
Shawna has been so supportive of me, and she has prayed for God to move in my life for awhile now...I would not be here without her support. As I said in one of my earlier blogs, this is a journey and not a destination, and the journey is only beginning. It just feels so good and it feels so right.
Shane Stokes has been my prayer partner this week and he has been such a blessing to me. His words of encouragment have been awesome. Shane is good man and a good Christian. I am blessed to be able to call him a friend.
This issue of fogiveness has been at the fore front of thoughts....I needed to know God has truly forgiven me for my past sins, and I can honestly say He has. The Bible is very clear on this subject.
I have felt compelled and even excited about sharing my story with our church through some kind of testimony...I will see if God allows me the opportunity to do so. I know if given the chance I would do it. I dont think I am the only person that has struggled with these thoughts. So if my testimony can help even one person it would be the most amazing thing I've ever done.
Shawna has been so supportive of me, and she has prayed for God to move in my life for awhile now...I would not be here without her support. As I said in one of my earlier blogs, this is a journey and not a destination, and the journey is only beginning. It just feels so good and it feels so right.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
All I had to do is say YES!!!
This morning, I stepped way outside of my comfort zone. Every Wednesday morning at 6:00 a group of men from our church meet in the sanctuary of our church for prayer. I told our pastor I would be there, I did not want to let him down. So I got up at 5:00, showered, dressed and made the short drive to church. And although I thought several times, it would be much safer to just turn around and go home, I persevered. So with my heart practically beating out of my chest, I entered the church and made the walk to the sanctuary.
What I found was 11 other men and the wonderful spirit of Jesus moving through the church. I was instantly welcomed with open arms and in just a matter of a few minutes, I knew I was where I belonged. We discussed some prayer requests and then split up and knelt before God and prayed. Now I've been a christian a long time, but I have never prayed like I prayed today. The words came so easy and the thoughts seemed so clear....it was an incredible experience and one I will never forget.
After our prayers we all got together at the front of the church I felt compelled to tell the other men what God had been doing in my life for the last few months. I had my whole speech prepared and even briefly went over my Dale Carnegie training, so i would make sure to get all my thoughts organized. Well, after about 2 words, it was evident that God had his own agenda....I started crying as I was talking about what God had been doing. Not just crying, but basically being a blubbering idiot (at least that is how i felt).
It was perhaps the most liberating moment of my spritual life....after I said my speech, the men gathered around me and one other man and prayed over us....it was wonderful. There were some things said that I needed to hear this morning, and I know those messages were straight from God. I look foward to going next week.
Public prayer for me has always been difficult...mainly because the right words never seem to be there. As I accept God's moving, I know this will become easier and easier and I look forward to that.
I have shared my experiences with several people recently...opening up about my struggles and how at times in my life I blamed God for not trying hard enough to open me up. Of course, God was always right there. All I had to do was say yes. I seemed to always keep God just far enough away for me to remain comfortable....well, I'm tired of being comfortable....I want more. I have received a taste of what God can offer me and I want more. So, this is me saying YES to GOD.
My family deserves a spiritual leader. My God demands that I become that spiritual leader. I want to be that spiritual leader.....YES YES YES!!!! Give me more, God. Give me the guidance I need to become that leader.
What I found was 11 other men and the wonderful spirit of Jesus moving through the church. I was instantly welcomed with open arms and in just a matter of a few minutes, I knew I was where I belonged. We discussed some prayer requests and then split up and knelt before God and prayed. Now I've been a christian a long time, but I have never prayed like I prayed today. The words came so easy and the thoughts seemed so clear....it was an incredible experience and one I will never forget.
After our prayers we all got together at the front of the church I felt compelled to tell the other men what God had been doing in my life for the last few months. I had my whole speech prepared and even briefly went over my Dale Carnegie training, so i would make sure to get all my thoughts organized. Well, after about 2 words, it was evident that God had his own agenda....I started crying as I was talking about what God had been doing. Not just crying, but basically being a blubbering idiot (at least that is how i felt).
It was perhaps the most liberating moment of my spritual life....after I said my speech, the men gathered around me and one other man and prayed over us....it was wonderful. There were some things said that I needed to hear this morning, and I know those messages were straight from God. I look foward to going next week.
Public prayer for me has always been difficult...mainly because the right words never seem to be there. As I accept God's moving, I know this will become easier and easier and I look forward to that.
I have shared my experiences with several people recently...opening up about my struggles and how at times in my life I blamed God for not trying hard enough to open me up. Of course, God was always right there. All I had to do was say yes. I seemed to always keep God just far enough away for me to remain comfortable....well, I'm tired of being comfortable....I want more. I have received a taste of what God can offer me and I want more. So, this is me saying YES to GOD.
My family deserves a spiritual leader. My God demands that I become that spiritual leader. I want to be that spiritual leader.....YES YES YES!!!! Give me more, God. Give me the guidance I need to become that leader.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
WOW
Well, what a week it has been! I wrote my first blog on Monday and I am really surprised how many people have commented about it. I've had people come up to me and tell me how surprised they were, but the support from everyone has been overwhelming. I have to say the only reason i started writing these blogs was to make my intentions public so I would be more accountable.
I have to say that I am seeing the world much differently now. I know it may sound cliche', but it's true. I find myself with more patience and things that bothered me before just don't bother me anymore. Is it possible for God to change me that quickly?
I have to tell you a true story that happened to me today. As you may remember the movie Courageous had a huge impact on me. In that movie, the main character's daughter asks her dad to dance with her at the park. But he declines and says "people are watching". He later regrets that decision. Today I took Carsyn to the high school to watch Ethan practice baseball. We were sitting on the front row of the stands right behind home plate watching the boys practice and they had some music playing over the speaker system. Carsyn, out of the blue, says "Daddy, dance with me"...she said "this is our dance floor", pointing to the walk way in front of the front row. Now there would have been a time, I would have said the same thing...."there are people watching". But today, I didn't hesitate for one second....I stood up and danced with her. We danced for 2 songs, and I couldn't care less who saw my poor dance moves....at that moment, all that mattered was the look in Carsyn's eyes. She could not have been happier. I twirled her around and around and she said "after the dance is over, we have to hug and kiss".....perhaps, I would have missed out on that moment if things were not different. I know that we made a memory that will last a lifetime, and that is all that matters.
I have felt God moving me this week to try and mend some broken relationships. So I reached out to one person that I used to be friends with, but we had gone our separate ways. Not sure what will happen with that, but I feel like it was the right thing to do. So we will see what happens.
Tomorrow is Sunday and for the first time in I a long time, I am excited to be going to church. I can't wait to get there as a matter of fact.
Thanks for everyone that has supported me this week. It means the world to me, and it just drives home the fact that I am doing the right thing.
In Christ.....Kev
1/28/12
I have to say that I am seeing the world much differently now. I know it may sound cliche', but it's true. I find myself with more patience and things that bothered me before just don't bother me anymore. Is it possible for God to change me that quickly?
I have to tell you a true story that happened to me today. As you may remember the movie Courageous had a huge impact on me. In that movie, the main character's daughter asks her dad to dance with her at the park. But he declines and says "people are watching". He later regrets that decision. Today I took Carsyn to the high school to watch Ethan practice baseball. We were sitting on the front row of the stands right behind home plate watching the boys practice and they had some music playing over the speaker system. Carsyn, out of the blue, says "Daddy, dance with me"...she said "this is our dance floor", pointing to the walk way in front of the front row. Now there would have been a time, I would have said the same thing...."there are people watching". But today, I didn't hesitate for one second....I stood up and danced with her. We danced for 2 songs, and I couldn't care less who saw my poor dance moves....at that moment, all that mattered was the look in Carsyn's eyes. She could not have been happier. I twirled her around and around and she said "after the dance is over, we have to hug and kiss".....perhaps, I would have missed out on that moment if things were not different. I know that we made a memory that will last a lifetime, and that is all that matters.
I have felt God moving me this week to try and mend some broken relationships. So I reached out to one person that I used to be friends with, but we had gone our separate ways. Not sure what will happen with that, but I feel like it was the right thing to do. So we will see what happens.
Tomorrow is Sunday and for the first time in I a long time, I am excited to be going to church. I can't wait to get there as a matter of fact.
Thanks for everyone that has supported me this week. It means the world to me, and it just drives home the fact that I am doing the right thing.
In Christ.....Kev
1/28/12
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
My life is changing
I can already tell a difference in just the way I see things. For so long, I have been hiding behind my failure as a christian. Now that I have made my short comings public, I feel like a new man. For the first time that I can remember, it is much easier to talk about God. Shawna and I are talking more about our christianity and where we want to go as a couple, and it suddenly just seems so easy.
Braden and I had a discussion last night and I know that he struggles with the same things I have been struggling with. Although it wasnt a long conversation, we were able to discuss things freely and now I know where I need to try to lead him. College is a difficult time and I'm sure temptations abound. I just pray that Braden is making the right decisions and I pray that God will move in him the way has moved in me. I am so proud of Braden for his many accomplishments, and his perseverance through a bad semester a year ago...I pray that God is with him every day.
Ethan and i were able to discuss some of God's expectations tonight as well....and as baseball starts this week I have challenged him to pray before each practice and game that God will grant him focus and patience and that God will grant him the ability to be a good teammate and always be uplifting to everyone. I am proud of Ethan for many things as well...and i see so much potential in him to be Godly person...I pray that God moves in him as well.
I have had on outgoing show of support from so many people and I want all of you to know how much it means to me. I've been surprised by some of the comments that a lot of people struggle with the same things. I know there are probably some doubters out there that may read my stories and think "yeah right"...to those people all i can say is i dont blame you. But i am bound and determined to live the rest of my life for God...so i guess you will just have to wait and see.
I don't know why, but God has changed my life. And it didnt take a long time to change it either. All i had to do was open up and there he was...right where he has always been.
I've come to the conclusion that being a good christian is a JOURNEY and not a DESTINATION. I don't think we can ever say...."I'm the best Christian I can possibly be"....I think the journey is a long one and hopefully I will grow closer to God every day.
Braden and I had a discussion last night and I know that he struggles with the same things I have been struggling with. Although it wasnt a long conversation, we were able to discuss things freely and now I know where I need to try to lead him. College is a difficult time and I'm sure temptations abound. I just pray that Braden is making the right decisions and I pray that God will move in him the way has moved in me. I am so proud of Braden for his many accomplishments, and his perseverance through a bad semester a year ago...I pray that God is with him every day.
Ethan and i were able to discuss some of God's expectations tonight as well....and as baseball starts this week I have challenged him to pray before each practice and game that God will grant him focus and patience and that God will grant him the ability to be a good teammate and always be uplifting to everyone. I am proud of Ethan for many things as well...and i see so much potential in him to be Godly person...I pray that God moves in him as well.
I have had on outgoing show of support from so many people and I want all of you to know how much it means to me. I've been surprised by some of the comments that a lot of people struggle with the same things. I know there are probably some doubters out there that may read my stories and think "yeah right"...to those people all i can say is i dont blame you. But i am bound and determined to live the rest of my life for God...so i guess you will just have to wait and see.
I don't know why, but God has changed my life. And it didnt take a long time to change it either. All i had to do was open up and there he was...right where he has always been.
I've come to the conclusion that being a good christian is a JOURNEY and not a DESTINATION. I don't think we can ever say...."I'm the best Christian I can possibly be"....I think the journey is a long one and hopefully I will grow closer to God every day.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
what does it mean to be the spiritual leader?
So this issue of being the spiritual leader in our home has been haunting me the last few days. It seems it all I can think about. I've blogged about my wishes and i have also blogged about my struggles with being a good christian. So, my next thougths are, what does it mean to be the spiritual leader of the family??
Hmm, good question. Does it mean that I have to run around quoting scripture 24-7? Does it mean I have to preach religion all the time?? No, of course not. I think what it means is that I have to be excited about God and not be afraid to show that excitement. I think it means praying with my family every chance I get...I think it means being careful of my words and I think it means as those occasions pop up in life that I can set a good example by showing or saying what a good christian person would do or say,I take advantage of that situation.
I don't want to be just a Sunday christian....or for lack of a better term "a facebook christian". I want to begin to carry myself in a manner that when someone meets me, they know, that I am a christian. I want to be able to invite people to church and be able to talk about God as freely as i discuss the latest blown 4th quarter lead given up by the Cowboys defense. We all know people that talk a good game on Sunday at church, but then act much differently the rest of the week. I don't want to be that person.
In the movie Facing the Giants, the main character was kicked down time and time again...but every time he was brought to the breaking point, he turned it all over to God. He praised God when others might be cursing God. That is the christian I want to be.
I feel like to be a true christian, you don't have to go around saying "hey look at me.....I'm a christian"...I think a true christian lives his life and does things that make people just know it. It's the way you talk to people and the positive vibes that come out of you that will make a difference.
I have had a lot of support from my family and my friends and co-workers for doing this. For those of you that know me, you know I am basically a private person...so for me to go public with some of the details has been a little stretch for me. For the first time in a long time, I feel like my eyes are open and my heart is ready for what God has in store for me. I can't wait to see where this is going to lead.
In Christ
Kev
1/24/12
Hmm, good question. Does it mean that I have to run around quoting scripture 24-7? Does it mean I have to preach religion all the time?? No, of course not. I think what it means is that I have to be excited about God and not be afraid to show that excitement. I think it means praying with my family every chance I get...I think it means being careful of my words and I think it means as those occasions pop up in life that I can set a good example by showing or saying what a good christian person would do or say,I take advantage of that situation.
I don't want to be just a Sunday christian....or for lack of a better term "a facebook christian". I want to begin to carry myself in a manner that when someone meets me, they know, that I am a christian. I want to be able to invite people to church and be able to talk about God as freely as i discuss the latest blown 4th quarter lead given up by the Cowboys defense. We all know people that talk a good game on Sunday at church, but then act much differently the rest of the week. I don't want to be that person.
In the movie Facing the Giants, the main character was kicked down time and time again...but every time he was brought to the breaking point, he turned it all over to God. He praised God when others might be cursing God. That is the christian I want to be.
I feel like to be a true christian, you don't have to go around saying "hey look at me.....I'm a christian"...I think a true christian lives his life and does things that make people just know it. It's the way you talk to people and the positive vibes that come out of you that will make a difference.
I have had a lot of support from my family and my friends and co-workers for doing this. For those of you that know me, you know I am basically a private person...so for me to go public with some of the details has been a little stretch for me. For the first time in a long time, I feel like my eyes are open and my heart is ready for what God has in store for me. I can't wait to see where this is going to lead.
In Christ
Kev
1/24/12
Monday, January 23, 2012
My struggles
Well, I have a feeling this may be a little painful, but here goes. First of all I have been a "christian" pretty much my whole life. I asked forgiveness for my sins at an early age, maybe too young to fully understand what I was asking for. Ok, so I've been a "christian" all my life.....but I've never really given myself to God. I have fought against that in many ways for various reasons through my life. Oh, God has tried to pull me in, but I have always been able to push just hard enough to keep him at a distance.
I have asked myself many times (more lately) why would God even love me?? Why is God tugging at me??I mean, I am a sinner. If the Ten Commandments were a test and each commandment honored was worth 10 points, I wouldn't have enough points to even pass a test! That's right, F A I L U R E!! Grade of F.
I do not want to confuse being a Christian to going to Church....but more times than not I will look for every reason in the world NOT to go to church. Too Windy, Too Cold, Too much going on, Don't feel good, It's just too much trouble. TOO MUCH TROUBLE...... So....God sends his ONLY son JESUS CHRIST to die for my sins, and I can't manage to drag myself out of bed to go honor God for 2 hours on Sunday because it is TOO MUCH TROUBLE. JESUS has nails driven through his wrists and feet, a crown of thorns shoved into his head, is mocked, beaten, hung on a cross until he dies..and I can't make the effort to go to church because it is "TOO MUCH TROUBLE". Well guess what....Jeremiah 31:34 states "And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins".
I have spent my adult life in and out of churches....often times going and trying to get involved, and then "falling off the wagon" and not going for long periods of time. Shawna and I now attend Trinity Fellowship, which is a wonderful church with a sweet spirit. God does move in that church every time I am there. Of course I usually spend the time fighting God....sometimes I feel led to raise my hands during worship service, only to be unable to let go of the back of the chair in front of me. When the invitation is made to come forward to pray with a prayer partner, I often feel led to go...but my legs wont listen to my heart and I stay put. Why is that??? Is it fear? But what I am afraid of...someone seeing me go down there or is it that I am afraid of what will happen to me spiritually when I get down there?? More to come later on that subject.
My blog from yesterday said I wanted to me the spiritual leader in my family. After Shawna read my blog, she told me she has been praying for that for the last few weeks. (No wonder God has been tugging at me). For me to that spiritual leader, I need to know what it is that is holding me back from just letting go and letting God take control of my life. Once I can figure out me, I think it will help me move on the next step.
So, that is my dilemma...how on earth could God love me, forgive me and care about me when I continue to push him away? Why is God leading me down this new path in my life? So many questions....and so many answers to come......
In Christ.
Kev
I have asked myself many times (more lately) why would God even love me?? Why is God tugging at me??I mean, I am a sinner. If the Ten Commandments were a test and each commandment honored was worth 10 points, I wouldn't have enough points to even pass a test! That's right, F A I L U R E!! Grade of F.
I do not want to confuse being a Christian to going to Church....but more times than not I will look for every reason in the world NOT to go to church. Too Windy, Too Cold, Too much going on, Don't feel good, It's just too much trouble. TOO MUCH TROUBLE...... So....God sends his ONLY son JESUS CHRIST to die for my sins, and I can't manage to drag myself out of bed to go honor God for 2 hours on Sunday because it is TOO MUCH TROUBLE. JESUS has nails driven through his wrists and feet, a crown of thorns shoved into his head, is mocked, beaten, hung on a cross until he dies..and I can't make the effort to go to church because it is "TOO MUCH TROUBLE". Well guess what....Jeremiah 31:34 states "And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins".
I have spent my adult life in and out of churches....often times going and trying to get involved, and then "falling off the wagon" and not going for long periods of time. Shawna and I now attend Trinity Fellowship, which is a wonderful church with a sweet spirit. God does move in that church every time I am there. Of course I usually spend the time fighting God....sometimes I feel led to raise my hands during worship service, only to be unable to let go of the back of the chair in front of me. When the invitation is made to come forward to pray with a prayer partner, I often feel led to go...but my legs wont listen to my heart and I stay put. Why is that??? Is it fear? But what I am afraid of...someone seeing me go down there or is it that I am afraid of what will happen to me spiritually when I get down there?? More to come later on that subject.
My blog from yesterday said I wanted to me the spiritual leader in my family. After Shawna read my blog, she told me she has been praying for that for the last few weeks. (No wonder God has been tugging at me). For me to that spiritual leader, I need to know what it is that is holding me back from just letting go and letting God take control of my life. Once I can figure out me, I think it will help me move on the next step.
So, that is my dilemma...how on earth could God love me, forgive me and care about me when I continue to push him away? Why is God leading me down this new path in my life? So many questions....and so many answers to come......
In Christ.
Kev
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Being a better dad
I'm not sure why I feel compelled to start a blog at the tender age of 42....but nevertheless, here I am. I had a simple, yet life changing event today. I saw the movie Courageous. For those of you that have not seen it, I urge you to see see it. However, be ready to take a long, hard look at yourself. And if you don't cry you need to have your pulse checked. I won't spoil the movie if you haven't seen it, but it really moved me more than any other movie I have ever seen.
For the last few weeks, I felt God has been trying to move in me....I don't know exactly where he wants me to go, because as usual I find myself fighting against it for some reason. I have often asked God to move in me...change me, but then I often don't listen.
I am blessed with 4 wonderful children ages 19, 15, 4 and 18 months..Yes God does have a sense of humor since I became a father again at the age of 41. But, at times I feel like there is not enough of me to go around. The ages are so diverse, that I literally have to sometimes wear 4 hats at once.
At one point in the movie, one of the characters makes a comment that "he is a good enough father". That made me think that I sometimes think the same thing...but I don't want to be just good enough....I want to be exceptional. I want all of my children to be impacted by me.
I want to start not only praying FOR my family, but WITH my family....I want to be the one to stand up and lead our family in the right direction. I have a long way to go and don't really even know where to start...but i think God has been tugging at me for awhile in this direction. I know that I need to be the spiritual leader of our house...and it is a role that scares me greatly.
I know my thoughts are scattered, but to summarize.....i had an epiphany today and I want to make changes to this part of my world. One day at a time, right?
There will be more to come...i want to be accountable to my family and to God. So, here I go....I want God to make a change in me....to become the spiritual head of our house...to be a more influential person in my kids life. I have a wonderful wife...who has stood beside me though some pretty stupid decisions in my life.I couldnt do this without her. I love her dearly.
In Christ
Kev
For the last few weeks, I felt God has been trying to move in me....I don't know exactly where he wants me to go, because as usual I find myself fighting against it for some reason. I have often asked God to move in me...change me, but then I often don't listen.
I am blessed with 4 wonderful children ages 19, 15, 4 and 18 months..Yes God does have a sense of humor since I became a father again at the age of 41. But, at times I feel like there is not enough of me to go around. The ages are so diverse, that I literally have to sometimes wear 4 hats at once.
At one point in the movie, one of the characters makes a comment that "he is a good enough father". That made me think that I sometimes think the same thing...but I don't want to be just good enough....I want to be exceptional. I want all of my children to be impacted by me.
I want to start not only praying FOR my family, but WITH my family....I want to be the one to stand up and lead our family in the right direction. I have a long way to go and don't really even know where to start...but i think God has been tugging at me for awhile in this direction. I know that I need to be the spiritual leader of our house...and it is a role that scares me greatly.
I know my thoughts are scattered, but to summarize.....i had an epiphany today and I want to make changes to this part of my world. One day at a time, right?
There will be more to come...i want to be accountable to my family and to God. So, here I go....I want God to make a change in me....to become the spiritual head of our house...to be a more influential person in my kids life. I have a wonderful wife...who has stood beside me though some pretty stupid decisions in my life.I couldnt do this without her. I love her dearly.
In Christ
Kev
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